


Step by step

by pocketsundere



Category: Free!
Genre: Day 1: Firsts, M/M, Rin copes with a lot of anxiety, Rinharu Week, slight hints of a nervous syndrome, slight mentions of sex and alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 01:16:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5271089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocketsundere/pseuds/pocketsundere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Maybe they were just waiting for things to fall apart, for everything to reach a breaking point that hasn’t -not even once- come to the page. He’d say something stupid and scare Haruka off, that’s the only way he could actually picture it, since it wouldn’t be the first time.”</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Step by step

He had dropped Haru midway up the stairs. Well, if this had happened ten years ago, he’d be near his deathbed. But it was now, which meant that Haru grabbed him in order to support himself and made them both fall from the countless, carpeted stairs.

They were both laughing their asses off. In their very own ways, of course.

Is not like they were buzzed up or anything; both of them swore to open the cherry champagne after they settled in. Plus, the bottle that contained that sweet liquid was -somehow- way fancier than any bottle of champagne they have put their hands on in the past. Meaning that one of them was going to get mad with the other one if they even dared to open it without permission.

There was a change in the air, Rin thought, and in his regular vision towards life. Which was _wake up. Try to surprise Haru and make him breakfast only to find him in the kitchen already making breakfast. Sigh but…then give a cocky smile. Kiss his neck tenderly as you wish him a good morning. Wait till he finishes cooking so you can argue with him over a silly little thing._

_You love him. You are head over heels for him, you have been since day one. But you can’t allow yourself to say it, not even when he’s on top of you, telling you to give up with an almost deadpan expression, but always holding a soft, challenging smile. You stare at him, cheeky words coming out instead of the truthful ones he deserves to hear. You’re in love with him, but he still doesn’t have a single clue._

Rin couldn’t say it, cause even in moments like these, he was so afraid of losing him.

It couldn’t be about pride, he had dropped it a long time ago. Haruka knew his darkest secrets, the pure intentions that were hidden in his heart. He knew the softness of his skin and that wishful thinking in form of different tones of wine red hidden deeply in his eyes. Haruka knew his weaknesses, when and how to hug him, for how long and, always, with soft, gentle words being carefully chosen. He knew what he liked: from his favorite dish to how he liked being touched as they were making love.

Haruka knew how deeply flawed he was, knew that he was extremely good at hiding it. And somehow, Haruka has stayed with him, following every step along the way.

That’s the thing he couldn’t quite put his finger on, especially coming from Haruka. Maybe they were just waiting for things to fall apart, for everything to reach a breaking point that hasn’t -not even once- come to the page. He’d say something stupid and scare Haruka off, that’s the only way he could actually picture it, since it wouldn’t be the first time.

All of these things were part of the one big reason as to why he cherished all the moments he spent with Haru; nothing lasts forever, or at least, not all things will feel or stay the same way forever. Rin knew his five-year affair with him was one of them. They clashed constantly by pure magnetism, intense attraction. And that could either make things better on both sides or drive everything straight to hell.

It couldn’t end with hypothetical fire. Once you live with someone long enough, you learn two things: 1) Whether you want to keep them in your life till your last dying breath, or wonder, _why the hell are they still doing here?_ 2) If they like coffee or tea, and how many spoonfuls do they take.

Haruka hated coffee, absolutely despised it. He’d said so seven years ago, when it was late at night and Rin had offered him some. They were watching some weird spanish program, both of them curled up on the hotel couch. There was a huge competition the very next day, and Rin thought _fuck it, I’m gonna drink a liter of this fucking coffee._

“You know, that’s bad for your health.” Haru said softly as he spared him a glance.

Rin smiled, eyes on the extremely cleaned floor. He took a sip of his steaming coffee and stared back. “Do _I_ sense a hint of concern in your voice?”

Haruka rolled his eyes.“I was only saying. Do whatever you want.”

He held back the intentions of giving him a cheeky reply, one that would certainly make Haru blush. He held back the need to caress his hair as he looked at him longingly. He thought _this is bad, I’m catching feelings for him again. I thought I was done with-_

But, of course, that was the shittiest lie he had ever thought of. He couldn’t even end that mental statement, cause it was completely ridiculous to begin with. It was stupid of him to think that, from one moment to another, he’d want him as a rival and a friend only.

That’s when he realized how true the saying ‘old habits die hard’ was.

 _Goddammit_ , he hated how true it was and, how there was no helping it. Of course not, if there was a solution, then he wouldn’t know that Haruka loved white tea and the regular one, with one and a half spoonfuls of sugar.

But…he was done for _way_ before that.

He was fucked from the moment he saw Haruka staring at him, with worried and vividly blue eyes. Totally screwed from the second he understood that Haruka had not given up on him.

That was them all over, they kept each other sane. It was a hard call, to shake him up or for Haruka to do the same to him every time they were not thinking clearly. Sure it was hard, but it was everything he had left. That or losing him.

It’s just that Rin had never expected this. Haruka crying subtly on his shoulder with frustration, him being sincere and always telling him what’s wrong or holding his hand any time one of them was feeling nervous before a swimming race. He never expected to sink even deeply, to fall even more.

Now he was stuck with the idea of wanting to spend his life with him. And maybe that was the breaking point, maybe that was enough to scare him off.

But if it did end up happening, there would be a tremendous list of things to be forgotten: The first time Haruka kissed him, it being outside of an australian bar, in a cold night that was melted by the heat of their lips coming together. The secret behind his eyes, that even to this day, he just couldn’t figure out.

The first time they had sex, right against one of the entrance walls of Haru’s apartment. It had been hot, it had been desperate. Both of their hands were sealed in constant need and sweat. It ended with Rin moving faster -in an almost a perfect sync with their breathless, ecstatic gasps- when he felt Haruka’s body shake as he reached his climax.

And then, the first time they shared a bed together with both of the knowing there was, _obviously_ , a thing going on between them. It would have been silly to think otherwise, Haru had been moaning his name a couple of minutes before he rested his body against Rin’s, gasping still against his neck. Rin tentatively reached for his hair, passing his hands through it. And it was the first time, the very first time that he thought that maybe this would go somewhere. That it wasn’t all about being fuck-buddies who just happened to have a long, intense story that anyone would most likely misinterpret as a romantic one.

It was the first time he thought about saying ‘I love you’ to him, cause the situation, the intimacy, the lustful touches were all perfectly placed for it. He didn’t say it, of course. But after that, it kept happening.

It happened whenever he kissed his neck and Haru scratched his back in response, wordlessly begging for more as he fucked him senseless. Whenever Haruka hugged him after a terrible nightmare. Whenever his naked body lied against his own. Whenever he took care of him when he was out of himself. Whenever they were drunk-dancing on Rin’s American style kitchen. Whenever he teased back. Whenever. _Whenever_.

No, what was he thinking?

All of those things, they were not meant to be forgotten, but lovingly remembered, cherished until the very end. Even if they had to go back to being ‘just friends’ -which, by the way, has always been _total bullshit_ \- even if he had to hide his feelings and give him painless smile, pretending, always pretending. He thought, _no…it happened, and that’s what really matters. I got to see his scars and he saw mine in return, and neither of us has ran away, that’s…that’s more than enough._

Reality struck him like lightning as a pair of feet tripped next to him thanks to his legs blocking the way up the narrow corridor. He stared at their owner, his eyes filled with shock. He had been day-dreaming or some other weird shit, and the only thing he could actually do in his right mind was apologize to the long-gone business-man who had sent him a quick death glare.

He waited a couple of seconds and told himself the facts.

_You are in an apartment condo, you have a bottle of champagne in your big-ass back pack, so it isn’t a good idea to fucking sit on it, you idiot-_

He felt warmth, one that it didn’t belong to him, but it felt…oddly familiar, as if it was meant to be there.

_And the love of your life is laughing softly, covering his face on your chest. His grip is tight on your jacket…yeah, the same jacket he claims to hate, he says it makes you look like a PI on a crime show, that it makes him feel violated. You always laugh at that, and you love how he narrows his eyes in annoyance, you love-_

_You love him, remember. And he doesn’t have a clue. He deserves the world and you’re simply not enough. But he is the only one that can calm the fire storm raging inside your heart, so he stays…he makes you happy. He makes you feel like you do deserve him, and maybe that’s enough._

 ...

Rin held him close, overwhelmed by his internal emotions. What a bad time to have a mini existential crisis, it seriously confused the hell out of him, but…hell, that’s just what he needed. It’s easier to find the things that we’re looking for when we’re not searching for them at all.

He needed a chance. Only a slip of a moment, nothing more.

(And that was the unknown missing thing clinging to the air. There was emotion and recklessness. There were words releasing themselves from their dark caves. Slowly, but moving. Yelling _take the chance, at the very sight of it._ )

Like the loser he was, he wet Haruka’s neck with his tears. His hands were shaking and he was totally out of words, or at least, out of the correct ones.

Say something. _Anything_.

“My ass hurts like hell.”

_Perfect._

At his comment, Haruka widened their short -close to barely there- distance. He looked as if he were about to kiss him: his eyes were filled with something similar to desire, his small lips forming a tiny 'o’. But a second later, his cheeks were totally flushed as he covered his mouth with a fist, forming a beautiful, tender snicker.

 _There it was_ , that’s all it took.

Rin sat in place, at last. He gripped the stair he was currently sitting on and gave a quick breath. “Haru.”

He knew he had caught his attention, anyone would be scared shitless if they heard their name being called like that.

When no reply was given to him, as expected, he waited a couple of seconds before he could talk again. Cause, physically, he couldn’t.

“I-…I” He refused to stare at him, it would just fuck things up. to release his anxiety, he intertwined both of his hands in form of a desperate prayer, later he found comfort in it, slowly pressing his forehead against it.

He started counting the seconds. He only reached fifteen, and after that, the world stopped for a brief moment.

“I love you.”

His eyes went from the darkness that both of his hands made together, to catching Haruka’s. And he thanked god, or whatever part of him that was responsible for the idea of acting stupidly honest. He prayed for it to happen more, enough times to make his hands stop shaking every time it got way too real.

There was an urgent need to kiss Haruka’s trembling lips. To touch his blushing cheeks, cup them until he relaxed under his touch. But there was no urgency, no desperate need anymore. The seconds stopped being a time bomb. The breaking point was one step to being completely nonexistent. There was no running away.

The only thing was the shaking hand reaching his jacket pocket, in search for a ring. That and a moment that he’d cherish like all the rest, smiling…thankful that he got a chance.

“And ,if you allow me, I would like to love you for the rest of my life.”

He put the ring, already out of its hiding place, on his hand. It rested there, almost looking like it has always been there.

“I- _Fuck_ , I wanted to do this when we were already inside, it’s just that I-…I just…love you so much and, I know you’re not really into commitment or anything related to it. But I promise you that,…in hopes you’ll stay with me for the rest of yours.”

Haruka stared at the ring, not even with a hint of a questioning look on his eyes. He took it and put it on instantly, blinking at the sight of his hand with a ring on it, fitting perfectly.

Rin stared at him as his blue eyes watered. He stared at him longingly, connecting both of their eyes as Haruka gently cupped his face, and they were already breathing the same air. Haruka whispered his name, grabbed his face and kissed him.

They glanced at each other as they broke the kiss. Haruka caressing Rin’s cheek with his thumb, and his eyes searching for something on his own.

“Are you crying?” He asked, tone so close to being totally blank, but never actually reaching that point.

“Really?” Rin raised a brow, giving him a confident smile. “How redundant.”

And he proceeded to cry, which made Haru snort with a soundless laugh.

“Shut up, Haru. I didn’t know you’d put it on that fast.”

“…You are an idiot.” Haruka gave something that sounded like a defeated sigh. He hugged Rin as he cried his eyes out. “Why wouldn’t I marry you?”

In the middle of those stairs, surrounded by brown boxes labeled with different names, filled with different things they’d end up putting in the place they’d call home in a couple of minutes, he smiled. He smiled meters away of their new life, of something that was theirs entirely. and then thought that opening that cherry champagne now wouldn’t be a bad idea at all.


End file.
